sexta-feira, 4 de junho de 2010

Lanterna e fósforos

Ganhei um presente. E quando abri a caixa era uma lanterna e uma caixa de fósforos. Um cartão anexo me dizia, para Marcos, o aventureiro. Disseram-me que eram itens essenciais para minhas viagens. Para iluminar meu caminho. Para eu poder enxergar mais longe. Para eu passar, passear com discreção. Para eu contar histórias. E eu disse obrigado. E dei um sorriso. Iluminando.

quinta-feira, 3 de junho de 2010

Quinta sem lei

Estou pulando de quinta para quinta... Mas enfim, aí vem mais um pouco de ironia - original e a remixada (click nos respectivos play). Somente especialistas podem lidar com o problema, segundo Laurie Anderson, uma contadora de histórias hipnótica. Lá vai:



Now only an expert can deal with the problem. Because half the problem is seeing the problem. And only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem. So if there’s no expert dealing with the problem. It’s really actually twice the problem. Cause only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Now in America we like solutions. We like solutions to problems. And there’s so many companies that offer solutions. Companies with names like: The Pet Solution. The Hair Solution. The Debt Solution. The World Solution. The Sushi Solution. Companies with experts ready to solve these problems. Cause only an expert can see there’s a problem. And only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Now let’s say you’re invited to be on Oprah. And you don’t have a problem. But you want to go on the show, so you need a problem. So you invent a problem. But if you’re not an expert in problems, you’re probably not going to make a very plausible problem. And so you’re probably going to get nailed. You’re going to get exposed. You’re going to have to bow down and apologize and beg for the public’s forgiveness. Cause only an expert can deal there’s a problem. And only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Now on these shows, the shows that try to solve your problems. The big question is always: “How can I get control? How can I take control?” But don’t forget this is a question for the regular viewer. The person who’s barely getting by. The person who’s watching shows about people with problems. The person who is one of the 60% of the U.S. population. 1.3 weeks away, 1.3 pay checks away from a shelter. In other words, a person with problems. So when experts say, “Let’s get to the root of the problem. Let’s take control of the problem. Cause if you take control of the problem, you can solve the problem.” Now often this doesn’t work at all because the situation is completely out of control. Cause only an expert can deal with the problem. And only an expert can deal with the problem. And only an expert can deal with the problem.

Now sometimes experts lend you money. And sometimes they lend you lots of money. And sometimes when the subprime mortgage collapse, and banks close and businesses fail and crisis spreads around the world. Sometimes other experts say: "Just because all the markets crash it doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad thing". And other experts say: "Just because all your friends are fired and your family is broken and we didn't see it coming, it doesn't mean that we were wrong. And just because you lost your job, and your house and all your savings it doesn't mean you don't have to pay for the bailouts for the traders, and the bankers and the speculators. Cause only an expert can design a bailout, and only an expert can expect a bailout. Cause only an expert can deal with the problem. And only an expert can deal with the problem. And only an expert can deal with the problem.

And sometimes when it’s really really really really hot. And it’s July in January. And there’s no more snow and huge waves are wiping out cities. And hurricanes are everywhere. And everyone knows it’s a problem. But if some of the experts say it’s no problem. And other experts claim it’s no problem. Or explain why it’s no problem. Then it’s simply not a problem. But when an expert says it’s a problem And makes a movie about the problem and wins an Oscar about the problem and gets a Nobel prize about the problem, then all the other experts have to agree: it is most likely a problem. Cause only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem.

And even though a county can invade another country. And flatten it. And ruin it. And create havoc and civil war in that other country. If the experts say that it’s not a problem. And everyone agrees that they’re experts good at seeing problems. Then invading those countries is simply not a problem. And if a country tortures people And holds citizens without cause or trial and sets up military tribunals. This is also not a problem. Unless there’s an expert who says: "This is the beginning of a problem". Cause only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Only an expert can see there’s a problem. And seeing the problem is half the problem. And only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Laurie, também insere em shows algumas estrofes diferentes. São pequenas porradas que acho OK colocar aqui:

Now sometimes experts look for weapons. And sometimes they look everywhere for weapons.
And sometimes when they don’t find any weapons. Sometimes other experts say, “If you haven’t found any weapons, it doesn’t mean there are no weapons.” And other experts looking for weapons find things like cleaning fluids. And refrigerator rods. And small magnets. And they say, “These things may look like common objects to you but in our opinion, they could be weapons. Or they could be used to make weapons. Or they could be used to ship weapons. Or to store weapons.” Cause only an expert can see they might be weapons. And only an expert can see they might be problems. Cause only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem. Only an expert can deal with the problem.

So who are these experts?
Experts are usually self-appointed people or elected officials
Or people skilled in sales techniques, trained or self-taught
To focus on things that might be identified as problems.
Now sometimes these things are not actually problems.
But the expert is someone who studies the problem
And tries to solve the problem.
The expert is someone who carries malpractice insurance.
Because often the solution becomes the problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem O
nly an expert can deal with the problem.